First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
