We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
