somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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