So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
