Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
