my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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