it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
