somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
