Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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