drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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