We won't sleep together?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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