he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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