dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
