I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
