Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
