I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
