Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
