Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My pussy is not your playground.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
