I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
