Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
