You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
