wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.