i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.