When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.