What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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