i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?