We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
two words: eviction party
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
