so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
