I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
