best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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