I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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