So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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