I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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