we're chasing vodka with high fives
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
