TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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