She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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