youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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