They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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