Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
