How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
