What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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