I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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