dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
