I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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