Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
