hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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