just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
