in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
this hospital has no fireball
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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