Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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