I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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