that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
