My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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