I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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