Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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