It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
