I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
