Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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