Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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