I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
