Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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