Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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