I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
