wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
