i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
