No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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