i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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