Just mADE A PArabola og urine
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
