O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
