i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
