If that was your dad, he is hot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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