Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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