I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
try to milk me bitch
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
