Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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