when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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