if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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