he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
