How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
