you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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