Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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