I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
