I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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