So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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