To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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