This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
