Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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