it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
