I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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