Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
