i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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